When someone chooses to share their experience of violence or abuse, they’re taking an incredibly brave step. Disclosing something so personal means they trust you — and how you respond can make a significant difference in their healing journey.
Listening with empathy and care is one of the most powerful ways to support someone who’s experienced trauma. A simple way to remember what to do is to think of the 3 Rs: Recognise, Respond, Refer.
1. Recognise
Recognising a disclosure means understanding the courage it takes for someone to speak up.
If someone tells you they’ve experienced violence or abuse:
- Believe them
- Acknowledge it’s not their fault
- Listen without judgment or interruption
- Thank them for trusting you with something so personal
Even if you feel unsure about what to say, showing genuine compassion and calmness can make the person feel seen and supported.
2. Respond
Responding appropriately is about creating safety — emotional and physical.
- Be supportive, open and honest
- Don’t pressure them to take any action they’re not ready for
- Ask gently if they’d like help connecting with a support service
- Reassure them they’ve done the right thing by reaching out
Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is simply listen and validate their experience.
3. Refer
You don’t need to have all the answers — professional support services are available 24/7. You can:
- Offer to help them call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit www.1800respect.org.au for confidential advice and counselling
- Encourage them to connect with a trusted GP, counsellor or specialist trauma service
- Offer to go with them if they’d like extra support
- Keep in touch to check how they’re doing
A few important things to remember
- Disclosure is an act of trust — treat it with care and respect
- Safety must always come first, but it’s important the person feels in control of what happens next
- Never force someone to take action before they’re ready
- If you’re feeling impacted after hearing someone’s story, take time to look after yourself too
- Supporting others can be emotionally taxing — it’s okay to seek support for yourself